As I have discussed in my book, The Power of You, the world is changing. One symptom of this change is that many people are experiencing sadness or mild depression.
According to a report out last month — more than 30 million Americans are currently taking anti-depressants.
That’s 10% of our population.
The usage of anti-depressants among middle-aged women is more than twice that. Today 1 out of every 4 women in their 40s and 50s is on some kind of mood altering drug.
To me, these are SHOCKING statistics. It was these statistics that inspired me to write last week’s blog post.
This week I have been asking myself:
What can help this sadness?
Why are we experiencing this sadness?
And how do we dream at 50?
It feels hard to dream after a certain part in our life. We have voices in our head saying: “Well, you know, you’re not as young as you used to be. And there’s going to be fewer opportunities ahead now.”
I feel this way from time to time. I see that clock on the wall spinning faster and faster! And I hear that voice of lowered expectations trying to convince me to accept less or to give up my dreams.
But I will not succumb to fear. And I will not lower my expectations just because I happen to be over 50! And I ask you to consider this too. No matter where you are in life or how old you are – there is always time to dream and act on your dreams.
This past July at the World Domination Summit, I heard a woman tell her story about reaching that middle age. She felt the world was going by without her. She kept thinking – People have just lost their sense of connection. There’s no community anymore.
She was personally overwhelmed by a growing sense of sadness in her own life. She knew she couldn’t change the whole world.
But surely there was something she could do at least in her own neighborhood.
So, she asked her husband, who was a carpenter, to build a 20-foot farmers table out of wood. Once it was complete, she had him set it up in the backyard in a beautifully shaded area near her flowers. She hung a crystal chandelier over the top. And set up chairs.
This woman who was kind of a foodie herself, decided she was going to invite 10 of her neighbors over to dinner each month. She wanted to invite people she didn’t know so everyone could get better acquainted and meet someone new.
At these dinner parties, they all got to know each other and shared stories.
Over time something wonderful happened.
They started caring about each other and checking in on their neighbors. And a whole sense of community was created. So she found her purpose. She stopped complaining about how nobody cares anymore and did something about it.
To date, she has served over 1,000 people.
She’s building community and changing the world from a dinner table in her backyard.
Dreams aren’t just for your 20s and 30s. Dreams don’t have to be quests that take decades to fulfill.
These are both exciting and frustrating days to live in. We’re living in a time of immense social change. This is the only life you’ve got. So be sure you are doing something worthwhile with it.
We aren’t our parent’s generation.
There’s not going to be a time when we will be able to retire to Florida with a pension and a gold watch. We’re too active for that anyway. And our destiny is tied to a different day.
We didn’t come to sit around in a rocking chair waiting to die. We didn’t come just to make ourselves comfortable.
We came to transform the world. And you better believe we’re going to do it.
What is you dream?
Spend a few quiet mindful moments today between grocery shopping and conference calls with your journal. Make a few notes. You don’t have to decide your dream today. But making room for it today will change your tomorrow.
You lay in bed after another sleepless night. You are exhausted and restless. Your mind is racing. Worries pull your heart into your stomach. Yet, you feel an inescapable emptiness. You don’t remember what joy looks like or how laughter feels in your lungs. You don’t want to get out of bed today, tomorrow or ever.
Depression is real. And it is consuming.
At some point in our lives we all experience periods of pain. Some of us experience depression for a few days, while others may work their entire life to overcome it.
Therapy and medication have often been the solution for depression. I am not here to tell you whether you should or should not take medication. Each person’s situation is unique. But I do want you to know you aren’t alone and there are additional treatment options. Scientists and leading researchers are finding that meditation and mindfulness practices could help people battling depression.
According to the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, “Meditation helps chronically depressed patients, reducing their relapse rate by half.”
This does not surprise me.
As we have discussed in previous posts, mindfulness has the power to change our life for the better. It helps with anxiety, focus, self-control and stress. It helps us love better, work more efficiently and listen more carefully. When we are mindful we can observe compassionately. When we are mindful, judgment and criticism may arise, but it doesn’t dominate our personal story.
Whether we are depressed, anxious or unmotivated, mindfulness helps us take control of our life again.
Despite all the benefits, many of us still don’t make the time for ourselves. Instead of spending ten minutes a day pausing or meditating many of us look to other things to take the sadness away. We look to food, work, cars, clothes or relationships. We all try so hard to live a happy life, yet we miss the point. By looking outside of ourselves, we end up destroying the wellbeing and sense of peace we work so hard to find.
I don’t mean to say if you are mindful that your depression will go away. I understand it is not that simple. But I do know meditation and mindfulness practices can be powerful.
If you struggle with depression, anxiety or exhaustion I ask you to take some time for yourself this week. Set up a space in your home where you feel safe. Make it your sanctuary. Put pillows, blankets or candles there. And commit to meditate for 5 minutes everyday for one week. After you meditate feel free to journal if that feels natural to you. Do that everyday for 7 days. By the 7th day look at your journal. Do you see a change?
If you really are busy and don’t have time to set up a space in your home, use the Insight Timer App. There are many 5-minute guided meditations. You can use this app in your car on your lunch break.
Remember, no matter how low you are feeling you are a powerful being. You will make it through this challenging time.
Love yourself daily. And keep meditating. You never know what could happen. That void you have been trying to fill may just fill with peace.
A stress free life doesn’t exist.
But a life where you are awake and aware does exist. Since the beginning of Mindful Monday, I have been recommitting myself to living a mindful life. I am not always good at it. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I fall back into that dream state where I am worried about my smart phone, what someone said or about what I need to do tomorrow. But then I remember. I suppose that is the beauty of being mindful. It is a process – a process that is worth the effort.
I have learned something else about this process. Mindfulness is not just about meditation. (Although it is an important component.) Mindful living is composed of a series of actions and practices.
Many of my readers have asked about how to be mindful at work amidst deadlines and expectations.
Here are few tools to help you be mindful through your workweek:
Start your day your way:
For me meditation is just as important as breakfast. It is my way to gear up for the day. You can start out with small commitment of 3-minutes if that is all you have. Those 3-minutes of peace and pause can change your entire day. If you have a stressful meeting or busy work-schedule that is more of a reason not to skip these 3-minutes. You need this time more than ever.
Feed Yourself:
Nourishing yourself doesn’t just happen at lunch or dinner. Bring snacks. Bring healthy snacks – almonds, apples or a smoothie. You can’t expect your body to carry you through the trials of a busy workweek if you don’t give it the fuel to go.
Be Awake:
If you are walking to another meeting, don’t check your email or send a text message. Be present in that moment. Multi-tasking is a great skill, but using it all the time will tire you out. And in the end it will leave you unfocused and scattered. Be here now. Even in the moments of transition.
Be Curious:
Being curious seems to be difficult for many of us, especially when we have been in the same relationship, marriage or career for many years. We think we know it all. At least that is what our daily routine has led us to believe. But the truth is, we don’t know it all. There are new beginnings and unseen mysteries all around us. We just have to be open, aware and awake to see them.
How will you be curious this week?
Fear.
We all experience this on a daily basis. For some it can be a motivator. For others it is debilitating. Our brains are programed to use fear as a method of survival. At the beginning of it all, as cavemen this was an essential skill. You had to react to the noises around you and get ready to defend yourself or you might not live to see tomorrow.
However, today we fear approval, our inbox, our child’s wellbeing, finances, weight gain or loneliness. These are all valid fears. But reacting to them defensively and feeding them with anxiety can leave us feeling exhausted and like we have not moved forward.
Meditation can help us decipher fear. It can help us see clearly.
Today when you are experiencing fear and anxiety take five minutes to stabilize. First, name your fear. Say I am afraid of…. I am scared of….
Then take 5 – 12 deep breaths. Put your hand on your heart. Chances are it is beating a mile a minute. When you start taking these deep breaths you will notice your body calm and your heart slow down.
Say a few positive phrases. But remember these phrases shouldn’t just be about you. Fear often includes others.
Potential phrases:
May we be safe from fear.
May we see the source of our fear.
Feel free to include names if that feels natural.
After this mindful exercise you may still feel fear. Don’t treat fear like a threat. Don’t run away from your fears. Approach them with friendliness. Console yourself as you would a friend experiencing fear.
How will you approach your fears today?
We all feel alone sometimes. Feeling alone can be terrifying and uncomfortable.
We can feel alone anywhere. Sometimes we feel alone at a party or even with our loved ones.
But how often are we really alone? We have created so much noise and stimulation. How often do we just sit and look at the world around us? I went to lunch the other day and noticed some of the other lone diners. During their break they busily worked on their phones. They looked up to acknowledge the waitress, but they missed the random happenings around them.
Being alone is difficult.
This is also why meditating can be difficult. When we meditate whether we are in a room full of people or by ourselves we have to sit with our feelings – alone.
Surrounding ourselves with noise and people is not connection.
Sometimes the only way to get reconnected is to be alone.
On this Mindful Monday, try being alone. Go to lunch without your cell phone. Go dancing at a club where no one knows you. Go to a movie by yourself.
It doesn’t matter what you do. Just do it alone. You may be nervous. But you may also be surprised what you learn about yourself.
How will you be alone today?
Self-acceptance isn’t always easy.
We all have days where we feel like we could be taller, smarter, skinnier, stronger or wealthier. We have days where we feel like we could be better friends, mothers, fathers, sons, sisters, husbands or wives. Judgement is something we try to avoid, but somehow we constantly entertain it.
Judgement brings extreme feelings. Judgment prevents us from self-knowledge, sincere relationships and living our most meaningful lives. Judgement is the ultimate barrier.
Mindfulness is our path to radical self-acceptance.
The most powerful way to undo judgement is forgiveness. Forgiveness restores our awareness.
Today forgive yourself. While you are meditating or just throughout the day when you notice judgements coming into your mind. Acknowledge them and let them pass. Say, “I forgive myself for my judgments.”
Trust in your personal power. Be open to miracles. And when you make a mistake again – forgive yourself quickly.
It has been a long day. You woke up late and didn’t have time for breakfast. There is a lot going on at the office. There are many deadlines to meet. At around 2:00 p.m. you realized you missed lunch. You didn’t have much time so you grabbed a sandwich from the coffee shop around the corner. You ate your lunch quickly while driving and checking your emails.
Now, at 3:30 p.m. all you can think about is cookies. There is a vending machine down the hall. So you grab a small bag of cookies and snarf them down at your desk.
Does this sound familiar?
For many of us eating is something we do quickly on-the-go. We eat food that is accessible. And sometimes we eat food that makes us feel good. Food becomes our treat in the middle of over-planned days. Whether it is a treat or speedy lunch, we don’t really taste it. We just consume it. We don’t consume it until we are full. We consume it until it is gone.
Mindful eating isn’t about diets. Or giving up cookies. Mindful eating is about being present when performing one of our most important self-care tasks — nourishment.
Today or sometime this week, try eating one meal mindfully, alone and in silence. You can eat in your car. Or in your office with the door closed. But if you think you will get on the computer or be interrupted go some where else.
Pay attention to the colors, smells, textures, flavors, and temperatures of your food. Notice your body. Where in the body do we feel hunger? What does half-full feel like? What does it feel like to eat fruit? Is it sweeter than you remember?
Feel free to share your experiences! We would love to hear from you.
Happy Mindful Monday!
Meditation helps us be present. And there are many ways to meditate.
Walking meditation is a meditation in action.
It is different from sitting meditations for many reasons. Your eyes are open. You must stay aware so you don’t trip and fall. Walking meditations also help us see the world around us. We become more aware of the sun, the wind and the birds singing just above.
One of the main reasons people like walking meditation is because it is easy to include into everyday life.
I particularly believe walking meditation is helpful, because many of us spend hours a day glued to a desk in front of a computer. We come home and sit in front a TV or computer and zone out. This is how we decompress. The truth is sometimes what we really need is exercise or some sort of movement. Mindful walking can help to increase your energy level if you are tired or restless.
This movement keeps us mindful. And this movement allows our brain time to truly connect to our environment.
Beautiful fall weather is here. Take a five-minute walk in your neighborhood or a park near you. What do you see? What do you hear?
Why do we learn to be mindful?
Because, If you are going to be present with someone else you must start by being present with yourself.
And nature is just the teacher.
A body scan is another mindful exercise to help you reach full body awareness.
You can start a body scan from downloading a guided meditation from Insight Timer. Or you can do a body scan on your own. All you will need is to set a timer for 15 minutes. Once the timer is set make sure to set it away from you. That way you aren’t tempted to check it during your meditation.
You can begin the practice by lying on the floor, or a mat, or your bed. Breath slowly and deeply through your nostrils. Start by directing your attention to the tips of your toes and your feet. Feel your feet. Are you tired from wearing heels all week? Have you been standing all day? Curl your toes to bring attention to them.
As you breathe slowly scan up your ankle, foot, knee and thigh. How do you feel? Accept any tension or discomfort. Feel the sensations in your legs.
If thoughts appear, that’s fine. Gently come back to your breath. Don’t judge your thoughts, they come and go, just like the clouds.
Continue this process until you reach the top of your head.
Can you feel how everything is connected? As you finish this exercise take a few minutes to breath and process the scan. Then sit up slowly. If anything came up during your scan that you feel is important write it down. This is a personal choice. Some people think this takes away from their practice. Others find this is a good way to note where they are on their spiritual journey.
Remember, these exercises aren’t always relaxing. Sometimes they bring up real emotions. Through increasing awareness, curiosity and the willingness to be with the incomprehensible, we expand our capacity to show up for life.
How will you show up today?
The key to a more successful life isn’t to do better, it’s to know better.
--- Chris Michaels ---
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